Fly-On-the-Wall

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Since I’m still recovering from the first week back at school, and I’m supposed to be doing homework, I’m posting the first assignment we had in my creative writing class.  The assignment was to objectively describe five items on our desk, we had to describe them well enough to give the reader some insight into the owner without actually letting our emotions or thoughts creep into the paper, so here it is:

The man dressed all in black stands in front of the desk.  He reaches up to adjust the mask covering his face.  First he grabs a mason jar, painted white with pink, blue, and purple hearts stamped on it. Some of the hearts are smeared and some look as if the stamp didn’t have enough paint when it was pressed to the jar.  He winces at the jingling it makes as he picks it up.  It’s less than a quarter full of change, almost entirely pennies and nickels, and one sewing machine bobbin, half threaded.  He sets the jar back down and pushes aside a black and white framed picture of four teenage girls.  All of the girls in the photo are smiling and hugging two of them revealing braces across their teeth.  The frame itself has been sprayed with something to make it shiny and on each side are carefully embossed flowers. His hand brushes an orange silk rose.  It is dusty and the petals are starting to loosen and unravel, it smells slightly of a floral perfume.  He glances down and spots a letter.  It is written in some language other than English, but there is a translation following the original.  The writer is thanking the recipient for the support and asking for prayers for school.  On the back is a crayon drawing, of a little girl with stick arms and legs and ears that are far too large. He reaches for the jewelry box rifling through the five drawers.  Each drawer is decorated: one with flowers, another with strawberries, and three with different bugs.  It is painted in bright girlish colors.  The jewelry inside is somewhat more mature than the box but there is nothing much of value, mostly cheap earrings and a few buttons with clever sayings, as well as the occasional friendship bracelet.  He closes the final drawer and moves on to more profitable pastures.

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Getting to know you

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In an attempt to blog more often, even at the end of an uninspired weekend such as this one, today I’m writing a list of lesser known (or maybe not) facts about myself.

As evidenced by the title of this post, lyrics from musicals sneak into my life all.the.time

I have never shot a man in Reno, to watch him die or for any other reason.

I have seen every episode of the Dick Van Dyke show, including the not very funny, original pilot starring Carl Reiner.

Proofreading puts me in a good mood. This is completely true, if I was going to make things up about myself they would be a lot cooler than this.

I am completely brainwashed by Disney, as evidenced by the fact that when my sister mentioned that her friend’s sister just got engaged to a guy named Eric my first question was “Is her name Ariel?” (It wasn’t)

I eat watermelon like they’re going to stop growing it.

My favorite music is Frank Sinatra, Steve Lawrence, Bobby Darin, etc. (I can’t figure out how best to classify this genre, Big Band? Vocal Jazz? Wiki also says traditional pop.) This, combined with my affinity for show tunes makes me pretty uncool in the music department.

I like watching the Next Food Network Star but, almost never actually sit down and watch the cooking shows that come out of them.

My actual name (it’s really not Sweetanlo, you’re shocked I’m sure) is from the Lord of the Rings, and I’m technically not even named after a person.

Several years ago when I was in a play I really didn’t like I used to spend the extra time in rehearsal writing poems to email to my best friends.  They were really terrible poems, and sadly  also the most productive thing I did that semester.

And last but not least, I’m really not very good at endings as you can clearly see by this fact, which is doubling as a final point and a rather abrupt ending.

Cookies these days

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The other day at dinner my mom and I were lamenting the lack of actuall fortunes in fortune cookies.  While it’s true that most of the fortune have always been cheesy and/or rather unbelievable, at least they used to hold genuine predictions.  Things like:

“You will take an unexpected trip.” (In t.v. and comic books this never meant a journey, and always meant a fall.)

“You will meet a tall dark stranger.”

“You will receive an unexpected windfall.”

Nowadays the alleged “fortunes” tend to be more proverbs/cliches for instance:

“If you are wise you will do well in life.”

“Do not waste time dwelling on the past.”

and sometimes their meaning is rather, well vague

“If you walk a mile in the path of a beaver, you might have to build a dam.”

or obvious

“If you are good to the people around you, they won’t think you weren’t”

So I decided that if I were to write fortune cookies I would skip the eloquence and the veiled meanings and instead go for the straightforward abundantly clear and helpful fortunes.

“After the tip you left, the waiter’s spitting in your food next time.”

“You will walk into a pole while trying to text.”

“You will wake up with a huge pimple on your face the morning of school pictures.”

I leave you with a few fortunes I would like to receive (and actually see come true)

“You will never receive a rejection letter, and will be able to afford actual wallpaper for your bathroom.”

“You will have the opportunity to eat your weight in chocolate and not get fat.”

“You will be filthy rich.”

“The girl who gave you all that trouble in high school will end up weighing 200 pounds and working at the local walmart.”

Goodnight, and good fortune 😉